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31.
January
2017.
Expert Comment Available: Homosexual Relationships

[image]EXPERT COMMENT AVAILABLE 

British Canadian psychologist Jacqueline Burns conducted academic research into homosexual relationships as part of her Post Graduate Diploma in Psychology at the University of Westminster. Today she heads up the Gay and Lesbian division at the award-winning global matchmaking agency, The Vida Consultancy
www.thevidaconsultancy.combased in London's Grosvenor Square.

She and her team provide a discreet, intelligent solution for individuals looking to find their perfect partner while providing a safe haven for gay and lesbians to form lasting relationships.

Here she writes on how to better understand what might best suit you when choosing a relationship.

Family Matters

When you're trying to figure out what you want in a long-term gay relationship it might seem counterproductive to look at a heterosexual relationship and think, "What can I take from this?" but so much of how we approach romance and living together as a family comes from what we learned from our parents' relationship (or grandparents, or other guardians who raised us). How they were with each other, how they argued and made up, if they lasted, if they didn't - all these things make impressions on us. It's the first romantic relationship that we understand as children and we absorb a lot of things that later subconsciously affect our own lives. Whether these were positive relationships or a little more fraught, it's worthwhile to pause and take a look at how they influenced our own ideas about long-term life partners.

Resolving Conflict

Consider how they used to resolve conflict. Oftentimes we see this mirrored in our own approaches, whether we try to do as they did, or to do the exact opposite. Relationships all have conflict in them, even the very best ones, and if you have people who struggle to communicate in the same language - some people speak mainly through actions, some through words, some like to tackle things head on, some prefer to avoid conflict. Figuring out how to resolve these issues is critical.

The Division of Labour

How did your role models for relationships divide labour within the home? It's different with a same-sex couple, since gender roles aren't as embedded, but these little divisions of labour can be crucial to a happy home.

Marriage

Marriage is another issue that gay couples now have the right to discuss. While some are happy to live together, without paperwork, others grew up with the idea of marriage being a foundation in their home. Deciding if you want to legalize your partnership is something that's worth talking about up front. Religious concerns can prompt people to want marriage, as well as the security of putting your commitment on paper. These attitudes are often passed down from our parents and how their relationships played out.

Having Children

Did you grow up in a big family? One thing we see a lot is that people from large, happy homes often want that for themselves. Someone with four beloved siblings might not be keen on having just one child of their own whereas an only child might not be so eager to fill their home with children.

Lifestyle Goals

Was there agreement in your childhood home about lifestyle? When matchmaking, one of the things Vida focuses on is lifestyle goals. If you're a homebody it probably isn't wise to start a partnership with someone who always wants to be out doing something. Where do you see your life in a year, in five years, in ten years? It's important to find someone who shares your goals and ideals.

Looking Forward to Building a Positive Relationship

Introspection about what you've learned from the adults who were influences on you in formative years doesn't mean intensive therapy! It's more about taking the time to examine the habits and ideas you've picked up and figuring out if they are useful as you move forward in your dating life, or if it's worth trying something new.

If this seems a little daunting then don't worry. Because Vida works as a boutique service we don't just go by the numbers, we look at a holistic picture of how you date, what you're looking for, and what you've tried that worked and what didn't. We work together to figure out how to best find what you need, what works, and what's worth moving on from.